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--Emily Claire Tamblyn"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"--Dustin Hoffman"I asked my wife 'On a scale from one to ten, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said 'You know I'm no good at fractions'".--Rodney Dangerfield"I told my girlfriend that unless she expressed her feelings and told me what she liked, I wouldn't be able to please her. So she said 'Get off me'".--Garry Shandling"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked!'"--Jerry Seinfeld"In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind".--Nora Ephron"My wife likes to talk to me during sex. In fact, the other day she called me from a motel".--Scotty Record"My sex life is very bad. If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all".--Henny Youngman"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and. I feel fly-stung and fraught with nerves. He knee walks to kneel between my sprawled legs. His free hand caresses my thigh. He sips his champagne. He is oddly graceful as he lowers his head to my quim and allows the champagne in his mouth to trickle over my swelling clit, then catches it with his tongue with a slurp before it fills my vagina. To be sure no drop is wasted…its Crystal…his tongue probes my vagina, which is already weeping for him. He repeats the process, slow and meticulous every time. It is an arousal of mouse kisses, utterly maddening and devastating in its effectiveness. My body is trembling in every part when the champagne is gone, and John’s eyes are scary again. I look away, but he’s not allowing it. His deft fingers grasp my chin and turn my head back. ‘Look at me Cara’…a request this time, his gentle words as effective as a horse whip. My eyes are dragged back. One hand continues to cup my face while the other charts a course in my vagina, tenderly thrusting.
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